10 Things To Do With Toddlers While #staythefuckhome

With the current covid-19 crisis and the related social distancing, many of us find ourselves at home with our toddlers, thrown out of our usual routine and into the deep end of parenting without the option to visit zoos, playgrounds or swimming pools. While it can seem daunting at first, this can actually be a great time to really tune into your child and make some great memories as a family. In the years to come, our smallies will most likely not remember any details about the virus, but about what happened in our homes during this time – so let’s give it a whirl!

10 Things To Do With Toddlers While #staythefuckhome

1.       Find a show you all enjoy

While being stuck at home, many of us allow the kids a bit more screen time than usual (just pay attention to your child’s cues – some get easily overwhelmed with too much screen time), but you don’t have to endure hours and hours of the typical children’s shows (unless you really enjoy it). Try to find a program (preferably with loads of episodes) you all enjoy! My 3 year old loves The Great British Bake Off, Junior Bake Off or The Secret Life of The Zoo. Nature documentaries like Blue Planet can be fun and educational for the whole family and may help you keep your sanity a little longer.

2.       Get baking

If you usually don’t have the time to bake with your kids, now is your chance. Recipes range from total beginner to master chef and you can find them all with a simple Google search. Don’t rush through it – take your time (after all – we have loads of it right now) and let your little ones help as much as they like – even though it gets messy. Enjoy the experience and the memories you’re making, even if the result looks a little wonky in the end. 

3.       Give a concert

Do you have an aspiring rockstar at home (or are one yourself)? Why not play a concert in your living room (or if you’re brave put on a show for the neighbourhood in your front garden or your balcony!). Whether you’re playing an actual instrument, shake some homemade rattles (another good project to do!), rock a classic pots-and-pans drumkit or an air guitar – put on a great show with your kids and sing and dance your hearts out. They’ll remember it for the rest of their lives!

4.       Build a fort

I’m sure most of us can remember building forts and dens in our childhood. The excitement of crawling into your own little space, your magnificent fort, safe from dragons and all the worries in the world… Why not help your little ones build a fort indoors (blankets, pillows, chairs…) or in your garden (branches, leaves, tarps,…)? This will probably give you hours (if not days) of plat time together and at the end of the day, you can all curl up together in your den and read some bedtime stories.

5.       Attempt a long term project

Now might be the right time to start a long(er) term project with your toddler. Always wanted to grow your own veg? Get your kids involved in sowing the seeds, watering, observing, transplanting…  Had you planned to build a tree house but never gotten around to it? Do it now and let them help! Take a few minutes to sit down and think if there’s any projects you had meant to do with your kids but never did because the time wasn’t right or it would “take too long”. Now is the time to do them!

6.       Get Messy

I know, I know – as parents one of the things we do all the time is cleaning up messes. Mostly  messes we didn’t make. And most of us don’t particularly enjoy this part of parenting. But once in a while it can actually be fun to let the kids get messy (I discovered this when my 3 year old helped herself to 2kg of plain flour the other day….). Instead of worrying about the clean up, enjoy the fun and silliness of getting your hands dirty, splash water through the whole bathroom, play with flour, make a huge mud pit in the garden or do a massive action painting! 

7.       Move!

With playgrounds closed and outside activities limited to uncrowded places, it’s important to incorporate some movement into our new routine and make sure we all run off some energy at some point (cabin fever sets in quickly!). There are some fantastic exercise videos for kids (or families) online, but you don’t have to rely on technology to move. Make up fun movement games, create your own HIIT workout in which every family member chooses one exercise to add to your routine, do a silly dance party, play catch in the garden, see who can jump the longest (or highest or furthest)! 

8.       Do something you always wanted to do

Is there anything YOU always wanted to do? Not necessarily for your kids, but for yourself? Learn a new skill? A new craft? A new language? Why not try and start it, even though your kids might distract you? I’m one of those people who always want to do things “properly” and take my time and concentrate on the task at hand, but that often means I don’t get to do those things until my child is asleep (and I’m knackered). So why not try and casually do bits here and there? I found I’m able to read a new book much quicker if I read a few pages throughout the day when my toddler allows, rather than plucking up the energy to do it in the evening. You may be surprised – your children may actually join in on your activity and it might become a new family project!

9.       Learn a language

Is there a language you or your child is curious about? Do you have anyone in your family or amongst your friends who speaks another language? You could use this time of social distancing to actually connect with someone and learn a few words and sentences of them. Kids usually have a great memory and can remember easy words or phrases quickly, so it could become a fun activity of skyping a friend for a few minutes every day and learning a new word or learning a nursery rhyme in a foreign language. 

10.   Write your own book

Make up your own story with your kids and write it down! Let the kids decide what happens, let them illustrate the pages and keep it as a wonderful memory of a time spent together as a family.

We’re all in this together. Let’s make the most of it.

With thanks to one of our doulas Lisa for putting this list together. You can read more about the support Lisa offers on this link https://www.doulacare.ie/lisatierney

Have you heard of Naming Ceremony?

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A Naming Ceremony is a celebration of family and life. This is a great way to bring your family and friends together. The Ceremony is written in conjunction with the parents and a Celebrant to create a personalised and meaningful occasion. It usually includes bestowing a name on your child and declarations of promises and commitments from the parents and guide parents and other important people in the child’s life.

Naming Ceremonies can be held in the home or at a venue of your choosing but not in a Church. They are also not officiated by a Priest but by a Celebrant. Although a Naming Ceremony is secular in its origin, it is entirely the personal choice of the parents as to whether any religious content, from any faith, is included. Having contact with your Celebrant is the best approach as you can use their experience to make the ceremony exactly how you have envisaged it. The Ceremony can be either relaxed or formal. You have total freedom to create a memorable experience for your family and loved ones.

Some parents like their other children in the ceremony. Their siblings can choose to write and say a reading or poem, or perhaps make their own commitments. They may want to make a promise to help look after their new sibling. As a family you may like to light unity candles or have a sand blending ceremony, the action of doing something like this as a family can be significant in bringing you all together.  

In the ceremony you can incorporate readings, poetry and music. The most important part is choosing the aspects that are special to you and your family.  Parents will declare their hopes and wishes for their child’s future and will share this experience with family and friends.  

Naming Ceremonies will include the bestowing of a name - this is where the child is named, perhaps giving the reasons for choosing that name, maybe it was an ancestral name or perhaps had an interesting history. This marks the very first time that a child is introduced to their community using their new given name

 Guide parents are chosen to make commitments to support and guide the child as they grow and they will make themselves available should the child ever need them for advice, care, guidance or help, this is similar to the role of God Parents.  Promises may be made by Guide parents, they can either answer questions asked by the celebrant during the ceremony, or they can prepare their own promises to your child - in doing this their role becomes even more personal to them. You will be surrounding your child with loving role models to nurture them and have a positive impact on their life. 

The duration of a Ceremony will depend on how many Ceremony enhancements, readings/poems you include, a Naming Ceremony usually last around 25-30 minutes

Some parents like to personalise the ceremony to include symbolic elements such as the lighting of unity candles, a sand blending ceremony, hand and foot prints as a keepsake or the planting of a tree (if the ceremony is being held in your home).

Naming ceremonies are not legally binding and do not have any legal status, although you may be presented with a record of the ceremony as a token of the day.

Naming ceremonies can also be tailored to welcome adoptive children and step-children into a new, extended family or relationship.

My name is Carol Colman and I am an accredited Celebrant with the Irish Institute of Celebrants. I am based in Dublin and I also cover surrounding counties.  I can be contacted through my website www.loveisallyouneed.ie ,on Facebook Carol Colman Family Celebrant or by email at carolcolman57@gmail.com.  I as a Celebrant will offer home consultation, alternatively you can choose to have contact through online platforms such as Skype, WhatsApp or other video call software, but if it’s possible, I would recommend meeting  person – but as a parent myself I fully understand how precious your time is with a new arrival or toddler.   

Throughout the process, I will discuss the options to personalise the ceremony and will get to know you so I can tailor a ceremony to suit your family needs.

I am an expert in creating bespoke celebrations that people love. I can help you by guiding you through what can be involved in the ceremony and also giving some ideas you may not yet have considered.

My Special Offer to anyone who quotes DoulaCare in their contact email to me is that they will receive their Ceremony for €200 (Usual price €250)

Here is some inspiration for things you may want to include:

• A book can be available at the celebration which guests are asked to sign or write a message and good wishes for the future for the child and the family.

• Guests could be asked to bring something small for the child, such as a letter or a flower, which is collected at the start of the ceremony.

• The celebrant can ask if any guests would like to say anything about the child after the ceremony.

• A video can be made with guests saying a message for your child at some point in the future.

• Creating a naming certificate with the details of the day and name which can be kept after the day for the child.

• Planting a tree either as part of the ceremony or after at your home. This can symbolise growing as family.

• A Sand Blending ritual can be a nice addition if there are other children in the family

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So Meghan Markle hired a Doula? What is that? Part 2

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So Meghan Markle has hired a doula and everyone is buzzing “what is a doula anyway?” Part 2.

There are two main types of doula. A Birth Doula and a Postpartum Doula. There are also Doulas who specialise in supporting families through loss and other niche areas

In this blog we will focus on Postpartum Doula support.

In times past (and indeed today in many cultures around the world) parents were not sent home from hospital with a new baby and expected to know what to do and manage on their own. We would have had the support of families, neighbours, friends - minding us, feeding us, helping us adjust to the changes in our lives and allowing the new Mum to rest and recover from birth and support her during the first few weeks of life with a small baby. Today we are often lacking this support and just expected to cope. People do call in to visit but don’t think to bring a cooked meal for the Mum, let her rest, load the dishwasher or ask how she is doing. The focus is often on the baby and the Mum is just expected to get on with it. However, we are not hardwired to manage in this way. We need the support of others in those first few weeks and months and in lieu of support from our community the postpartum doula can step in and offer this support.

A Postpartum Doula begins work with their client as soon as they book in. For some, this is during pregnancy (the forward planners!) and for others this is after baby is born. If it is during pregnancy, your doula will help you to prepare for your new arrival and the huge shift your life will take. If it is after birth, your doula will slot right in to your new routine (even if you don’t think there is any form of routine) As with Birth Doula support, your Postpartum Doula comes with many layers of support. We help you to debrief and process your birth experience. We nurture you while you recover from birth and find your new normal. We help your older children adjust to having a new dynamic in the family. We support your partner, adjusting to their new role and debriefing their own experiences. We offer knowledge, encouragement, information and support every step of the way - as each new day brings new challenges. Above all, we help you to savour the good moments between the chaos :)

Knowledge: Doulas are information junkies. We love reading, attending study days and growing our knowledge base. In DoulaCare Ireland all our Doulas must attend at least three CPD days per year. - which ensures the building of knowledge as evidence changes and new research is undertaken. We also learn from every interaction, with each individual client. We bring that knowledge base to you when you come home with your new baby. No matter what comes up, with your recovery after birth or your babies needs - chances are we have seen it before (or we know who to call if not).

Encouragement: Anyone who has had a baby, knows that surreal feeling of being left in charge of this new tiny human. Many parents feel “they are not seriously letting me home alone with this baby? I don’t even know how to bath him or tell if he is hungry” Don’t fear. It is normal to feel that way. The truth is no parent has the answers. Babies don’t come out with an instruction manual. We all learn on the job! The great thing is, with your Postpartum Doula by your side - you have a calm presence helping you every step of the way. So nothing feels overwhelming. You and your baby learn together, with a helping hand from your Doula.

Information: To new parents this is invaluable. The number one question we get asked… “Is this normal?” Rest assured, your Doula will have all the latest evidence and research at hand to help you make informed decisions when the fog of parenting clouds your brain. It can be hard to process information when you are recovering from birth and haven’t slept more than an hour in 2 weeks. Your Doula will give you the information you need in bite sized chunks so you can fully process it as required. She would also be delighted to tuck you up in bed, with clean sheets, after a hot shower and home cooked meal - and after a nice nap it is easier to think more clearly and have perspective on the changes in your life!

Hands-on tips and tricks: A Postpartum Doula passes on all the parenting tips and tricks they have picked up through their training and working experience. They help you to simplify your daily life. Sometimes it’s a gentle suggestion on where to keep the changing table, that you hadn’t thought of (like having a second one in that corner downstairs to save you running up and down the stairs 20 times a day) Sometimes it is demonstrating different methods of helping baby to get wind up - which can be a tricky skill to master.

Partners: Partners are often Doulas biggest champions! We help them to feel involved every step of the way. In parenting, it can be helping them to figure out how to put a baby grow on baby (which way is up? Are these the arms? We all know how hard it can be to get a new baby dressed!) It can be explaining the hormonal rollercoaster women ride after giving birth and to expect highs and lows. It can be a listening ear for them to debrief or to gush about their beautiful new son or daughter. Sometimes it is offering gentle suggestions to help them adjust to their new role and see what part they can play in supporting their partner and adjusting to their own new role.

With DoulaCare Ireland you have a full team of support. Each client is matched with the perfect doula for their needs. In the bigger contracts (100+ hours) you will usually have two doulas offering support. You have the opportunity to meet both beforehand. Both doulas will know your parenting style and wishes. This means that if for any reason your doula needs to change your scheduled hours you have the option of your second doula covering so you are never alone! Our co-owners Jen and Mary are always on hand too. We offer phone and email support to our clients and our doulas so no question is ever left unanswered.

We know from neuroscience that our brains are not hardwired to manage on our own in those first few weeks of adjusting to life with a new baby. All so often when we arrive at a new Mums house, they disclose that they feel they are doing something wrong as they struggle to cope. So few of us talk about how hard it is, that many are left feeling not good enough. The postpartum doula steps in to fill the gap. We are there to build confidence and make those first few weeks a positive memory for years to come - in other words to help a family thrive and not just survive the early days of parenting

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Moved over to main website blog:Adjusting to life with a toddler and a newborn

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Adjusting to life in the early days and weeks.

It is important to acknowledge that it will be hard at times, but it won't be impossible. It is all an adjustment but the love you will feel will make everything worthwhile. Of course as your Postpartum Doula I will assist you with adjustment and daily tasks. Here are my top tips on how to set yourself up for success and make each day easier.

• Cook extra portions of freezer friendly meals (like bolognaise/shepherds pie/fish bake etc) while you are pregnant or if baby is here then at the weekends so you've a good supply of nutritious food to see your family through week ahead. This is also something family and friends could do to help out.

• Shop online for now if a grocery shop seems unimaginable. 

• Buy preprepared fruit and veg as handy snacks to grab on the go.

• Don't be too proud to accept offers of help and don't be afraid to suggest chores (unload the dishwasher, hoover the stairs, clean the bathroom etc)

• Lower your expectations of how the house will look during the first few months. You've got a lot on your plate, and it doesn't really matter if the dusting doesn't get done or you have to wear un-ironed clothes for a few days, or years even.

• As soon as you can, try to get out for at least a short walk every day it's amazing what a boost it is to get out of doors. If that seems too epic right now, sit in the garden and play with your toddler.

• Take all offers of taking your toddler out for a while (once your toddler is happy of course!) Granny wants to take her out to the playground? Great, don’t feel guilty and try to go too - grab a nap with baby while you can :)

• Make your toddler aware from the very start that the baby is interested in her, is watching her and loves her. Say things like, "She's following your game with her eyes" and "She's very interested in what you're doing".

• Involve your toddler in games with the baby from the earliest days, and always tell your toddler how much you value her help with tasks such as handing you a nappy for the baby.

• Have a ‘special feeding box’ Fill the box with little toys and books, colours or activities for your toddler. This box only comes out while you are feeding the baby and is your toddlers special treat.

• Babywear. Using a sling gives you the ability to meet your newborns needs (to be warm, safe and close to you) while still playing, reading with or just spending quality time with your toddler. I would recommend attending a sling meet or get a sling consultant to your home to find the right sling for you.

• Take photos, because while the days seem endless right now, the weeks and months will fly past and you will appreciate the memories ☺

• Be gentle with yourself. No one is perfect. This is all learning on the job, take each day as it comes and remember you are doing your best and that is all anyone can do!

Enjoy the madness! Doula Jen x

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