On our children birthdays

On the anniversary of your babies birth 

Every year as the days approach my children birthdays, I find myself reliving where I was and what I was doing the year they were born. Particularly the 24 hours just before. My eldest boy is twelve. If anything, as the years pass these days seem even more special. Reliving their births and remembering how wonderful it was to be pregnant with them, adds a sentimental value to their birthday beyond celebrating their life so far. 

I wake up the day before thinking ‘This day twelve years ago, I woke up for the last time before I would be changed forever and become a mother.’ I had no idea the impact the next 24 hours would have on me or how my life would change forever - my soul tied to another - who shared my body and grew from love.

How did the years move so quickly? Twelve years of mothering. Buying a house. Studying. Working. Taking trips. Having more babies. First days of school. Ferrying kids to a from sports and activities. Family meals. Endless loads of laundry. Play dates. Baby groups. Parent teacher meetings. School events. More laundry. 

I look at the clock randomly and think : ‘11am, this time twelve years ago I was just getting on the DART with my cup of tea to go in for my 41 week hospital check.. Rubbing my big bump. Feeling my baby kick. Wondering what he will look like’

I look at my beautiful boy and wonder again where the years have gone. He is almost as tall as me now. Yet I can still feel his tiny newborn body snuggled up to me. How it felt to kiss his soft cheeks. That gorgeous baby smell as I sniffed his tiny head with wisps of hair. The absolute joy I felt breastfeeding him. That glorious bond of mother and baby, in our own little bubble of calm. 

‘3pm, I was making my way to that cafe for a smoothie. I was feeling uncomfortable. Little did I know, I was in early labour and a few hours later I would be heading back to the hospital to give birth.’ 

I still get hugs. Sometimes (once his friends are not around) Kisses are restricted to a peck on the cheek. The hormones are running through his body. Bouncing him from my boy to a young man. Regular melt downs. Slamming of doors. Change is happening. 

‘11pm, in the car on the way into hospital. Excited to meet my baby but fearful of what was to come’

My seven year old comes bouncing in and kisses his baby sister. Before I know it, he will be at this stage. No longer jumping on me for big sloppy kisses and a massive squeeze of a hug. Enjoy this time now I remind myself. The days seem endless sometimes, but the years seem to fly by in a flash. 

‘8.08am, my world shifts a gear forever. I am someones mama. This perfect, tiny, human is mine. Image of his dad of course. Surrounded by love. Filling my heart to bursting point’

Me with my first son seth in 2007 (at the tender age of twenty)

As we all sit around the kitchen table singing happy birthday. My handsome boy blushes. He is embarrassed by the fuss now. I am grateful for the memories. Some hard. Some challenging for sure. Overall as I remember my experiences of motherhood, I am filled with love. It is not always perfect. Nothing is, right? But I wouldn’t change any of it. My children are my world and I love celebrating each journey into motherhood, with each individual experience - once a year. 

So to all the mothers out there on your Childs birthday. Happy Birth Day memories to you too. Your strength, love and power got you through and will continue to do so as the years fly by. Take a moment to remember. Maybe every now and then you can pause and relive your experience too.

My first born son Seth, about to embark on the teen years. Photo credit @JohannaKingPhotography

So Meghan Markle hired a Doula? What is that? Part 2

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So Meghan Markle has hired a doula and everyone is buzzing “what is a doula anyway?” Part 2.

There are two main types of doula. A Birth Doula and a Postpartum Doula. There are also Doulas who specialise in supporting families through loss and other niche areas

In this blog we will focus on Postpartum Doula support.

In times past (and indeed today in many cultures around the world) parents were not sent home from hospital with a new baby and expected to know what to do and manage on their own. We would have had the support of families, neighbours, friends - minding us, feeding us, helping us adjust to the changes in our lives and allowing the new Mum to rest and recover from birth and support her during the first few weeks of life with a small baby. Today we are often lacking this support and just expected to cope. People do call in to visit but don’t think to bring a cooked meal for the Mum, let her rest, load the dishwasher or ask how she is doing. The focus is often on the baby and the Mum is just expected to get on with it. However, we are not hardwired to manage in this way. We need the support of others in those first few weeks and months and in lieu of support from our community the postpartum doula can step in and offer this support.

A Postpartum Doula begins work with their client as soon as they book in. For some, this is during pregnancy (the forward planners!) and for others this is after baby is born. If it is during pregnancy, your doula will help you to prepare for your new arrival and the huge shift your life will take. If it is after birth, your doula will slot right in to your new routine (even if you don’t think there is any form of routine) As with Birth Doula support, your Postpartum Doula comes with many layers of support. We help you to debrief and process your birth experience. We nurture you while you recover from birth and find your new normal. We help your older children adjust to having a new dynamic in the family. We support your partner, adjusting to their new role and debriefing their own experiences. We offer knowledge, encouragement, information and support every step of the way - as each new day brings new challenges. Above all, we help you to savour the good moments between the chaos :)

Knowledge: Doulas are information junkies. We love reading, attending study days and growing our knowledge base. In DoulaCare Ireland all our Doulas must attend at least three CPD days per year. - which ensures the building of knowledge as evidence changes and new research is undertaken. We also learn from every interaction, with each individual client. We bring that knowledge base to you when you come home with your new baby. No matter what comes up, with your recovery after birth or your babies needs - chances are we have seen it before (or we know who to call if not).

Encouragement: Anyone who has had a baby, knows that surreal feeling of being left in charge of this new tiny human. Many parents feel “they are not seriously letting me home alone with this baby? I don’t even know how to bath him or tell if he is hungry” Don’t fear. It is normal to feel that way. The truth is no parent has the answers. Babies don’t come out with an instruction manual. We all learn on the job! The great thing is, with your Postpartum Doula by your side - you have a calm presence helping you every step of the way. So nothing feels overwhelming. You and your baby learn together, with a helping hand from your Doula.

Information: To new parents this is invaluable. The number one question we get asked… “Is this normal?” Rest assured, your Doula will have all the latest evidence and research at hand to help you make informed decisions when the fog of parenting clouds your brain. It can be hard to process information when you are recovering from birth and haven’t slept more than an hour in 2 weeks. Your Doula will give you the information you need in bite sized chunks so you can fully process it as required. She would also be delighted to tuck you up in bed, with clean sheets, after a hot shower and home cooked meal - and after a nice nap it is easier to think more clearly and have perspective on the changes in your life!

Hands-on tips and tricks: A Postpartum Doula passes on all the parenting tips and tricks they have picked up through their training and working experience. They help you to simplify your daily life. Sometimes it’s a gentle suggestion on where to keep the changing table, that you hadn’t thought of (like having a second one in that corner downstairs to save you running up and down the stairs 20 times a day) Sometimes it is demonstrating different methods of helping baby to get wind up - which can be a tricky skill to master.

Partners: Partners are often Doulas biggest champions! We help them to feel involved every step of the way. In parenting, it can be helping them to figure out how to put a baby grow on baby (which way is up? Are these the arms? We all know how hard it can be to get a new baby dressed!) It can be explaining the hormonal rollercoaster women ride after giving birth and to expect highs and lows. It can be a listening ear for them to debrief or to gush about their beautiful new son or daughter. Sometimes it is offering gentle suggestions to help them adjust to their new role and see what part they can play in supporting their partner and adjusting to their own new role.

With DoulaCare Ireland you have a full team of support. Each client is matched with the perfect doula for their needs. In the bigger contracts (100+ hours) you will usually have two doulas offering support. You have the opportunity to meet both beforehand. Both doulas will know your parenting style and wishes. This means that if for any reason your doula needs to change your scheduled hours you have the option of your second doula covering so you are never alone! Our co-owners Jen and Mary are always on hand too. We offer phone and email support to our clients and our doulas so no question is ever left unanswered.

We know from neuroscience that our brains are not hardwired to manage on our own in those first few weeks of adjusting to life with a new baby. All so often when we arrive at a new Mums house, they disclose that they feel they are doing something wrong as they struggle to cope. So few of us talk about how hard it is, that many are left feeling not good enough. The postpartum doula steps in to fill the gap. We are there to build confidence and make those first few weeks a positive memory for years to come - in other words to help a family thrive and not just survive the early days of parenting

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Expressing Love

A Poem for all Pumping Mothers.

Hmmmm hmmmm goes the pump through the night,

Reminding myself it will all be alright.

The chafing and blisters won't last,

Counting each drop as they fall becomes a thing of the past,

Watching my baby sleep soundly,

The sound of the pump rings out all around me.

Hmmmm hmmmm goes the pump through the night,

Reminding myself it will all be alright.

I'm giving my baby every drop that I can,

Even though things are not quite how I planned.

I'm pouring my love into every single drop,

Telling myself "keep going, don't stop"

Hmmmm hmmmm goes the pump through the night,

Reminding myself it will all be alright,

Skin to skin, and slings,

Are our new bonding things.

As I nourish her tummy,

With my tailor made milk (that's so yummy!)

As drops turn to sprays,

And hours into days,

As mls turn to ounces,

And days into weeks,

The lowest moments fade and we experience more peaks.

Hmmmm hmmmm goes the pump through the night,

Reminding myself it will all be alright,

The grief begins to pass,

As we find our own way.

The pumping becomes part of life

As we grow day by day.

A poem by Jen Crawford. Exclusively pumping for her daughter Kayla who was born with a complete cleft palette and Pierre Robin Sequence.

What is the Fourth Trimester?

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What is The Fourth Trimester?

Imagine what the third trimester of pregnancy would be like for a baby: tightly cocooned in a warm, dark, comforting place. There are no hunger pains or thirst, no need to pass painful wind, no strange smells, no feeling the hot or cold — just a perfect environment tailor made for a baby.

I’m sure you can also imagine suddenly being born into a world with of all these things can be quite a rude shock!

A new baby isn’t born being able to fend for themselves and still has much developing to do – they can’t escape if they sense danger or fear, go and find mum or dad for security or a cuddle, nor can a baby chase mum for a feed whenever hunger or thirst calls… they completely rely on us for every single need.

A gentle adjustment into their new world in the form of a fourth trimester (which is named that way in order to be perceived as an extension of the third trimester) can make a huge difference to how baby feels and how mum and dad cope with parenthood.

Babies cry because it is their only means to alert their parents that they have a need to be met (and they will not stop crying until it is met), which can in turn make parent’s self esteem and confidence plummet if nothing seems to work. This is because they start wondering what they are doing wrong and if they are useless parents (they’re not).

Giving your baby a fourth trimester can make for such a more enjoyable, soothing time for all involved – so how can you give your baby a fourth trimester? Here are some simple ways to recreate womb life.

• Use a sling/wrap

Baby wearing can be a life saver in the early days. Using a sling can recreate several conditions from when baby was in the womb. Feeling tightly supported all over, close to mum’s heartbeat, warm and cosy. Both parents can use a sling to offer comfort to baby and strengthen your bond.

Make sure you choose a safe and suitable baby carrier – www.babywearingireland.ieis a great source of information. You can even get a sling consultant out to your house!

• Skin to skin!

Whether you are breast or formula feeding, skin to skin is a great way to increase bonding with your baby. Skin to skin contact offers the following benefits for your baby at birth (and beyond):

• Regulates his body temperature better even than in an incubator

• Maintains his heart rate, respiratory rate and blood pressure normal

• Has stable blood sugar

• Feels safe and calm so is less likely to cry

• Receives good bacteria from your body to promote good gut bacteria in baby and boost immune system.

• Is more likely to breastfeed exclusively and breastfeed longer

• Baby is more likely to latch on

• Baby is more likely to latch on well

• Will indicate to his mother when he is ready to feed

• Bath time!

Many babies absolutely love being in a nice warm bath. Some babies may not like a bath at first, as they don’t enjoy the air or cold on their skin as their clothes come off, but they soon grow to love them! If you’re not confident on how to hold a baby in a bath, you can ask your midwife, doula or PHN for a demonstration – or you can just jump in the bath with your baby for added skin to skin benefits. The soothing water surrounding your baby creates an environment similar to what he or she would have been used to in the womb.

Dim any bright lights and jump into that nice warm bath together – even dad can do this one so he can enjoy bonding time with his baby too.

• Bed Sharing or Co-Sleeping

Just like with cot sleeping, there are also safe co-sleeping guidelines. Both sleeping methods have risks if not practiced sensibly. Le Leche League have a 7 step guideline to safe co-sleeping. You can find the information here http://www.llli.org/sweetsleepbook/thesafesleepseven 

By bed sharing or co-sleeping (which includes specially designed cots which attach to the side of your bed, to give baby their own safe space), your baby can sleep in safety knowing that mum is close by. He can smell you and even touch you, without insecurity. Its also a great way to make sure mum gets her much needed rest. 

We’ve all heard the saying ‘sleep when baby sleeps’.

Especially in the fourth trimester, focus only on what you and your baby need – and it’ll make such a difference to how you feel when you’ve had more sleep. Sleep deprivation is one of the leading contributors to anxiety and depression in new mothers, so take care of yourself and enjoy those sleepy cuddles.

• Feed on demand for breast and bottle fed babies.

Offer The Breast If Baby Wants It : Breastfeeding is something your baby will become familiar with very quickly, from the moment she is born. It provides her with a great sense of comfort. She will feed often, especially in the early weeks, as she tries to establish your supply. It is important to follow your baby’s lead to allow her to create a milk supply to meet her individual needs. 

There are lots of places to get support with breastfeeding. (Cuidiu, La Leche League, Friends of Breastfeeding, Postpartum doulas) or the most qualified experts in breastfeeding – IBCLC’s (International Board Certified Lactation Consultants). 

You can find breastfeeding support in the following places:

• Cuidiu www.cuidiu-ict.ie

• Le Leche League www.lalecheleagueireland.com

• Friends of Breastfeeding www.friendsofbreastfeeding.ie

• Association of Lactation Consultants in Ireland www.alcireland.ie

• Irish Premature Babies www.irishprematurebabies.com

• Irish Multiple Birth Association www.imba.ie

• Doula Association of Ireland www.doula.ie

• KellyMom www.kellymom.com

If you choose to bottle feed remember your baby has been fed constantly throughout pregnancy. A three or four hour routine can be difficult for a new baby to adjust to. Also it is helpful to remember that a new born tummy is the size of a small marble/malteser and so they thrive on little and often. Paced bottle feeding can ensure your baby takes as much food as they need, without being forced to drink more to ‘finish the bottle’ Trust your baby to take what they need and this will help to avoid lots of spit up and tummy pain.

You can find more information here: http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ 

• Getting Out and About

Once you have recovered from birth it is important to try to get out and about. Every baby is different so trial and error will find the best way for you. Lots of babies love the motion of the car but some do not like the car seat so this can cause you stress. Some babies love the buggy for the ride, others would rather be worn or in a parent’s safe arms. Make a date with a friend to meet for a cupa somewhere or just take a gentle stroll around the block. The fresh air will help to lift your mood and may help baby to sleep.

• Coping With An Attached Baby

You may be reading this thinking it all sounds great, but it seems a little exhausting. Yes, it can be sometimes. But always remember: nothing is permanent, everything is temporary. Even when it feels like it’s going to last forever — it’s not.

Remember ‘This too shall pass’.

Sleep deprivation and discomfort is part of the job of being a parent, but it can be made much easier by:

• Sharing the load where possible – accept and ask for all the help you can

• Make sure your partner spends time settling baby too (he/she needs to learn – and baby will learn how daddy/mammy does it!)

• Seek out a postpartum doula if you can afford it

• Making sure you get a break/time out. Even a trip to the supermarket, coffee shop or 5 minutes in the garden

• Check your expectations. Are you expecting too much from yourself and/or your baby?

Your baby does not behave in these way to manipulate or annoy you, but to teach you what he likes and needs – and what makes him feel most safe and loved. By being open to the lesson and remembering that ‘this too will pass’ (a great mantra when things get a little tough) you’ll be an expert on your baby in no time.

Hang in there – it WILL get easier. Savour the good times & breathe through the tough ones. Take lots of photos ☺

Doula Jen   x

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